Why I Left a “Dream” Career
The view of Panama City from my living room
Every spring, the anniversary pops up of a moment that fundamentally shaped who I am, and why I do this work.
It’s a reminder of the time more than 20 years ago that I started what I thought would be a dream career, but ended up being my biggest career mistake.
Let me start with the back story…
An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse
In my early 20s, I was offered what some people would consider a dream job as a U.S. Foreign Service Officer.
In case you’re not familiar with the term (I wasn’t until I applied!), this is the official title for members of the U.S. Diplomatic Corps who work at our embassies and consulates all over the world.
My journey to becoming a diplomat started as a recent college grad, while I was living in Washington DC in a post-college "what now" phase.
I was just two years out of school and I’d worked in a few entry-level jobs, with little clarity about what kind of work I really wanted to do, or how it might relate to my history degree.
Then one day I saw a recruitment ad for the Foreign Service in the newspaper (yes, the actual newspaper — this was 2002!). They were leading a big push to bring in new officers at the time, and while I had never considered - or even heard of - this career path, I was intrigued by the opportunity to live abroad and represent my country.
The first step in the process was a free exam being offered later that fall, so I figured why not give it a try? Curious what it would be like and thinking there was no way I’d advance any further in the process, I signed up.
But I did pass the exam, and I continued through each stage of the very competitive application process: an intensive full-day interview, an extensive background check, and a medical clearance.
When I received the official offer from the State Department, I was both excited and shocked.
In retrospect, I can see that I was pursuing this goal because it seemed interesting and prestigious and hard to get. But since I never thought I’d get the job, I never really thought about whether or why I wanted it.
Moving Abroad, and Hating It
Even though I didn’t really know what I was getting in to, this felt like an offer I couldn’t refuse. So I accepted, quit my old job and told everyone I knew about my glamorous new one, and prepared for what I thought would be an adventurous new career and life.
The first step was an orientation course with a cohort of nearly 100 other new recruits. We bonded, learned the ropes, and were repeatedly told we were the best of the best (it’s safe to say that inflated my 24 year-old ego!).
Toward the end of training, I learned I’d been assigned to my first posting as a Consular Officer in Panama City, Panama. While I’d never been there, my dad had spent time there when I was a kid, and I'd heard great stories about it.
My friends threw me multiple going-away parties, I packed up my life in DC, and with my new diplomatic passport in hand, I boarded a flight to my new life.
But within a few weeks of arriving, I knew I'd made a huge mistake.
I’d been so caught up in the “dreaminess” of this career that I never stopped to think about what the reality of it would be like, and whether it was right for me.
I never considered questions like:
Did I actually enjoy foreign policy, day in and day out? Not really; I just loved to travel and wanted to live in interesting places around the world.
Was working in a large, complex, bureaucratic organization right for me? Definitely not, and I soon became incredibly frustrated by the endless rules and inefficiencies.
Did I agree with the policies I would be enforcing? I spent my days arbitrarily deciding after a 2-3 minute interview whether or not to grant someone a visa to visit the U.S., and I quickly realized how fundamentally wrong that felt to me.
I find fulfillment in helping people achieve their goals, building meaningful relationships, and seeing the impact I'm having. Community and collaboration are some of my top values.
Yet in this job I spent my days processing paperwork and telling hopeful people "no" all day long, with zero sense of any impact I was making other than crushing people's dreams.
That conflict in values quickly began to eat away at me, and within a few months, I was miserable.
I was supposed to be in this role for two years before rotating to another assignment, and I had no idea how I was going to make it through. Somehow I did, but it was a very, very challenging two years. (To be clear, Panama is a beautiful country, and one I'd love to return to someday - I wish I’d gotten to appreciate it more!).
Luckily I had some great colleagues and made wonderful friends who helped keep me afloat, but by the end I was literally counting down the days until I could leave.
Moving On, But Not Sure Where
Even though I knew in my bones after just a few weeks that this career wasn't right for me, deciding to leave was still incredibly hard.
Part of me kept thinking I should stick it out and try harder (“so many people would love to have this job!”). But I listened to the inner voice that told me I could trust myself and quit.
So just two short years after making a huge deal of this prestigious career that I thought would last decades, I was done. I came home feeling like I had my tail between my legs, like I had failed. And I was thoroughly adrift, with no idea where to go or what I would do next.
I moved back in with my parents (I was lucky they'd have me) and took a few months to recover from the extreme burnout I was feeling. I spent some time traveling, as a way to recoup some of the experiences I felt like I was losing in giving up my dream of living overseas. I applied to grad school and didn't get in, which was a huge disappointment.
And as the months stretched on and I still had no plan in sight, I started working temp jobs filing papers and answering phones as a way to make some money and have a reason to leave the house. It was what I needed, but it felt like a huge fall from grace after where I’d been.
As my time in limbo stretched on, I questioned my decision to leave, even though I knew it had been the right one.
But eventually, and much more slowly than I anticipated, I started moving forward. Almost a year after I first returned home, I moved back to DC, got a roommate and a new job, reapplied to grad school and got in this time, and eventually made my way to New York City and a whole new chapter.
(That chapter ended in 2014, when I left another job without knowing what I'd do next — which is how Careers for Social Impact came to be.)
Lessons Learned And Why It Matters
I share this story because I think it's important to normalize the tough times in our careers.
We all have moments when we feel like we're wandering in the career wilderness: when everything feels hard or unclear, when we don't know where to go or what to do next, and it feels like we'll never figure it out. I've been there too, believe me.
But it does get better, and there’s so much learning we can take from those experiences.
While it felt like a huge failure at the time, my time in Panama fundamentally shaped how I think about careers, and led me to doing the work I do today. And it taught me so many things that guide my work and every coaching conversation I have.
I learned that only I can know what the right career decisions are for me. And this is true for you too! It’s so hard not to focus on what other people think or what you “should” be doing in your career. But literally no one else knows what’s right for you better than you do. That shiny title that everyone else wants or that looks good on paper may be perfect for someone else, but that doesn’t mean it’s right for you.
I learned that nothing is forever, and that our career mistakes shape who we become. While those two years felt endless at the time, in the grand scheme of things they were just a quick stop on my career journey, and I never would be where I am today without them. We all make career detours sometimes, and I really believe there’s something important to learn from every experience, especially the ones we deem failures in the moment.
I learned that sometimes quitting is the right answer. We’re so often told to stick it out, to try harder, to line up the next job before leaving the one we’re in. And sometimes that’s the best path, but not always. Sometimes leaving is exactly what you need to free up the time and energy to figure out what’s next. Being in a job you hate creeps into every area of your life, and can make it incredibly hard to move on to something new.
Looking back, I can see now that in deciding to take this job I was focused more on prestige and external validation than on my own values and what actually fit me.
I can also give myself lots of grace, because I was so early in my career journey then that I just didn’t have the experience or self-knowledge to understand what would be right for me, the way I do now.
If I had done the work I do with my clients today, I would have asked better questions before I packed up my life and moved to Panama. I would have realized sooner that the day-to-day reality and culture of the job wasn't right for me, no matter how impressive it sounded. And I would have understood that while the Foreign Service is in fact a dream career for many people, it wasn’t for me.
The tension between what you think you should do and what's actually right for you is something that comes up with almost every client I work with. It's one of many competing pulls we all experience, and learning to navigate it with integrity is some of the most important work we can do.
If you’ve navigated your own career wilderness, or you even find yourself in one right now, I hope this story helps you feel a little less alone.
And if a career “mistake” helped you get to where you are today, I hope you’ll share that story with someone who might need to hear it.
Sometimes it can feel like you’re the only one who's veered off course or made a decision you regretted. But no one has a perfect career, even when it looks that way from the outside. There’s so much power in sharing the real stories of our career successes and our failures, and that honesty benefits us all.
About The Author
Erin Ewart is the founder of Careers for Social Impact and a social sector career and leadership coach. She partners with social impact leaders to help them grow their careers, their leadership, and their impact.